“Everything precious can be replaced.” ~ Victoria Stuart
I sent out a prayer
to open myself to the next
level of being in relationship.
Hoping to experience ease and pleasure.
And the responsive universe
immediately brought me gifts
— the type that used to make me
cringe, flee, cry, despair.
Growth, it seems, requires facing,
allowing all the experiences
I judged as bad, harmful, toxic
and first hid from, then escaped
before gathering courage to stand up to,
identify and protect myself from.
And always, they’ve exited the stage
only to enter again, stage right —
stage fright, house left —
dressed in different clothing.
Every experience I have resisted
clings to me, an energetic stamp
wrapping tight arms around me
in a death squeeze. Go away!
I proclaim, safe in the knowledge
that I have been a victim,
I’ve been traumatized,
for God’s sake!
If I’m god, this is for my sake?
The gift becomes evident by its wrapping
scales of glittery resistance. I can spend
my days investigating, labeling, singing long and
passionately about it. But I keep sending out
my intention until now I see
if I can embrace the resistance I wrap
around this experience, there may well be
beauty inside. I never bother to open
the actual gift, I just resist
and resist the so-called toxic
wrapping, send it away and act
surprised when it arrives the next
moment, the loving universe yelling,
“Oh, my dearest love, surprise!”