Unrequited Love, If You Will

“Kitty looked into his face, which was so close to her own, and long afterwards — for several years after — that look, full of love, to which he made no response, cut her to the heart with an agony of shame.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

“This early experience of mis-attunement, of the mother’s failure to empathize with her baby’s emotions and to mirror them back (perhaps because she’s depressed, self-absorbed or overwhelmed by her own emotional difficulties) — this misattunement produces shame.  Shame as the result of unrequited love, if you will.” ~ Joseph Burgo

She came up for air,

my intestines churning, and a heavy

heart.  My friend and I, silenced

in deep greeting, gave her

space she’d been craving.

Now that I know, I can say

I’ve often heard her knocking

belowdecks, iron-clad, deep

in the cold, dank hold.

It’s not fair, she storms.  If I

pictured her at all in my

inner salvage operations, it was

as a dreamer or a green heron

shy, cautious, beautiful

balance on a railing overlooking the water,

all of the safe exits plotted.  Alert, hungry,

focused on survival.  So I am swept

off my seat when she shouts

and wails, rages.  I feel pain

in my stomach, and now my temples

ache.  The green heron slips quietly

out of sight right before two great

blue herons battle for fishing rights.

No one functions in this upset.

The herons hiding, flying off

or standing ground.  No one is fed.

The scarcity is consuming us,

even as a big bass jumps and plops.

Quiet now.  Let’s look

in the deeps.  Let’s see what

will nourish us all.  Let’s give voice to the

silenced things we’ve accumulated

inside.  Let’s finally be fair.

 

Inspired by SalvageDreamer and Unrequited

 

Include Yourself

I abandon all false modesty

because I belong. In my body,

in my seething emotions,

in my recycled thoughts spinning

out of control. I belong

in this family, no longer

need to show up and create “peace”

by letting go of my way.

I risk exposure by being authentic

and even so, this is me. I belong

to my community. No matter

what views I express or how

they trigger you. I am alive

and I am included. I belong

to the serried ranks of hopeless

animals whose lives are caged

to feed me. I belong

to this nation, with its hidden

history of genocide and greed.

I belong to the Pentagon

dropping a bomb every 12 minutes.

I belong to every imprisoned being.

I belong to the oceans, suffocating

in plastic. I belong to the earth

drenched in pesticides.  

I open and I open my heart

to this new reality of global citizen.

Every time I resist, every time

I hear the gigantic “no”

I look deeper, pull the hurting

unwanted piece of me into

my heart. We all belong.

We are all included.

Daily Ragtag Prompt: Serried

Word of the Day Challenge: Exposure

Inspired by the Daily Addictions Prompt: Gigantic

Do all the cool kids use cool prompts?

Giftwrapped Serendipity

“Everything precious can be replaced.” ~ Victoria Stuart

I sent out a prayer
to open myself to the next
level of being in relationship.
Hoping to experience ease and pleasure.
And the responsive universe
immediately brought me gifts
— the type that used to make me
cringe, flee, cry, despair.
Growth, it seems, requires facing,
allowing all the experiences
I judged as bad, harmful, toxic
and first hid from, then escaped
before gathering courage to stand up to,
identify and protect myself from.
And always, they’ve exited the stage
only to enter again, stage right —
stage fright, house left —
dressed in different clothing.
Every experience I have resisted
clings to me, an energetic stamp
wrapping tight arms around me
in a death squeeze. Go away!
I proclaim, safe in the knowledge
that I have been a victim,
I’ve been traumatized,
for God’s sake!
Whose god?
Who’s God?
If I’m god, this is for my sake?
The gift becomes evident by its wrapping
scales of glittery resistance. I can spend
my days investigating, labeling, singing long and
passionately about it. But I keep sending out
my intention until now I see
if I can embrace the resistance I wrap
around this experience, there may well be
beauty inside. I never bother to open
the actual gift, I just resist
and resist the so-called toxic
wrapping, send it away and act
surprised when it arrives the next
moment, the loving universe yelling,
“Oh, my dearest love, surprise!”

Daily Ragtag Prompt: Scale

Inspired by the Word of The Day Challenge: Serendipity

I recycle 2016 Daily Word Prompts: Pleasure