Uncontrollable Truth

I’m growing adept, moving through the waves
of denial–all around me people
chafing in the dissonance, being brave
soldiers following the flock as sheep will.

Luminescence detected, I reflect
on this cold light. Comes the dark night, a rogue
breaks free and leaves the training ring to check
some freak anomaly. What is in vogue

exposed, but can we bear to see? The lies
are plastered thick and slimy. Who’ll reach in
with patient aim to claim the truth? Who buys
the barrage, pays with energy? Preach in

vain. And yet my freedom’s liberated
by embrace, for pain indicates the place
we formed precise misbeliefs, sedated
when we needed to survive trauma’s space.

As timelines shift, emerging Now reveals
the ring of truth distorted in the field.
Tuning in place, I claim these painful peals.
My path exotic, in the truth I yield.

Soundcloud recording here.

Inspired by: Adept, Denial, Rogue, Luminescence and the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt ring.

Featured image: a tobacco plant kissing sun.

Once again, my stream of consciousness just went all over the place this morning, and my resolution to write quatrains brought some surprising, revealing twists.

No Rhyme In Rejection

The nature of trauma is that it is unconscious; something frightened or disturbed us enough so that we did not want to experience it. We shut down, we froze, we acted out, we ran. We did not make sense of the experience and file it away, we threw it out of consciousness.~Tian Dayton

I reject the swamp of my birthplace, call
and finagle love by the sea. Far from
my roots, play the gargoyle–mysterious 
pagan goddess adorning cathedrals—

spiked-head cautionary tale.  I’m trying 
to make these words sensible.  My lineage
settles for mosquito-infested land
losing sight of possibility, hard

survival hunkers down even though just
a few miles up the road is paradise.
I reject my habitude.  Centuries 
of unprocessed trauma rise.  The shoreline

fraught, I pause in fear anticipating 
the shock of change, cold slap of moving sea
and I must leap, reject the quandary.
Relentless tide brings what lies beneath the 

surface, the deep places pain claims surge 
like a riptide, insisting I dive deep
release the illusions to dry crumbling
on sand.  Shivering, wet, now I accept. 

Soundcloud recording here.

Inspired by: Swamp, Gargoyle, Finagle, Habitude, the OctPoWriMo Day 20 prompt “touch”, and a vivid memory of exhausted swimming in a riptide in Lima.

What To Do Now

I surrender. Where and how I live is
and always has been in your hands. Pull me.
The whole current calls my being, bridges
impossibilities. As I fully

feel into this now, and only this, all
worries bubble up to be released.
Embrace and laugh. How could I think this small?
Feel all the pent-up energy unleashed.

Grounded in the earth, praising the high noon,
dancing with the leaves in this raging storm,
star-serenaded, regarded by moon
the ripples of my future me transform.

Inspired by: Worry

Daily Practice

As if my filters dissolve instantly, a great
blue heron appears on the estuarine

shore chased by killdeer who stage
a drama, feigned trauma to engage

audience participation. Huge blue-
gray wings flap stork-leg past the trap

location, ignoring the act of injured
screaming bird, who leaps to attack

a new scene, and I’m laughing
quietly, light bursting and gleaming

through my hair and skin beaming
I tune in, twinkle in warm

wrinkles, my intention set
to investigate my hard-headed ways

walk in the question of the questions
I don’t yet see, the ones which carry me.

The field resounds, bird sounds
and fiddleheads invited by the breeze

dancing fluidly. As presence gifts
this calm elation, illumination

of the shadows of society
opens my hands

grounded in the power that commands
my being here now.

All my chips are on the table
I’m so heavily invested, enabling

angry and sad and afraid
unable to digest the mess I’ve made.

Until today.

Each fragmentation a delicate morsel
–home delivery at my doorsill

leading me to claim
what I abhor and dare not name.

There is no separation.
What appears is simply my education.

The patient fishing bird suddenly swoops
rewarded with its wriggling food.

 

Love’s Warrior

I could light the night up with my soul on fire
I could make the sun shine from pure desire
Let me feel that love come over me
Let me feel how strong it could be
Bring me a higher love~Steve Winwood

It plays out
a silly drama designed to trigger
that frightened child’s trauma.
When she arises
I look with friendly eyes.
Warm welcome! I hereby call
this difficulty blessing, fall
with humility and clearly state
my intention to dispense with hate,
manifest a higher love
as I connect to the divine
above like light streaming
no longer in the mainstream
dreaming how, for
in the simple truth of now
releasing fear, I bring myself
heartfelt, on fire, here I dwell.

 

There’s No Better You

We can’t stay in the moment when we fall into our trauma.~Anjet Sekkat

In this distressing space, hidden
voices in dark treetops anticipate
light. My feet curl and twitch,
transient visitors in fright,
searching for an exit.
Lurching benumbed.
My breath, a raider, sloshes through
venomed restraints rasping to
reach the bounty painted in treasure
maps. I would surely search better
yet here be gaps bespelled,
my wild and wonderful tactics
to repel dangersome monsters
lurking by my bed.
Would I have composed new
incantations had not school
curtailed my effortless creation?
Children arise
from your tiny desks and
spurious facts. Gaia demands
uncivilized bare feet dancing.
Teach us our feral ways
etched into genes, advancing
the wave of millennia. Life
wants to live in connection.
Throw off the beloved
critic, so carefully knitted
into our lonely self-
perception. Gently and soft
loving intently who we are
as we are magical and whole
even in our fragmented mirrors.
Here we are now
it’s clearer, to save the day.
There is no better way
to be.  Together, can we see?

Inspired by Slosh, Transient, Raider, Bounty and this photo that resurfaced from my childhood, topless here in a wizard dance with my favorite magical beings.

 

To Thrive

How many problems spiraled from your inability to just address one?~Kiara

Like a gazelle, I learned to stot
a purely panicked duck-the-swat
out of my body into space far
from the threatening face,
the brandished fist, the full-
court press–you get the gist.
The body that I left behind
stationary, cold, the world unkind,
digested what it could, the rest
fragmented in traumatic mess.
Guess what? I’m back
right in my base. On track
I root, devoted diligence,
explore the soil of my essence.
Survival tactics I applaud
sheer intelligence–I’m awed.
What led me here alive
bequeathed, I now release
to thrive I sit and breathe.

Inspired by: Gazelle, Press, StationaryBrandish and last night’s sunset.

 

The Energy Release

Dedicated to the magical Eva

We practice the great art: embrace
what arises in our widest place.
In wordless zest we see
who takes the reins and drives
me through each shadowed face.
We relegate gregarious
inclinations to conflate
nefarious motives.
Whether she is eight or some past life,
ancestress or an archetype,
what matters
are these chains she holds.
We see her vigilance wary
yet her power to subsume–
all my personal space set
to devour.
Our container holds
witness on the beach
building multidimensional sand
castles in our reach.
We are here
to celebrate
as the light reveals the shackled,
shackler and more,
the very chains, the dungeon floor.
We peer through
the acrid smoke, the gasp
of rattled lungs. We find the one
who traces spirals on her
palms, while seeming bound.
The treasures found! As if
a stage, the script blocking
the exits and the entrances in time
locking it all
and still I’m circling
to meet myself at last.
The past survival story
of the wise witch in her
glory now.
The residues of pain
I count as gain.
Healing dances through the sleep-
less night, energy released
from places deep must find
the way. Obstructions melting.
I’ll be okay.

Inspired by: Zest, Gregarious, Conflate and Personal.

 

This Is The Path

So much to digest
the buoyant trauma bobbing up
escaping my firm and
constant pressure to keep
this drama contained.
Letting all the content
settle under calm
guidance, a transmission
irradiates the presence,
diamonds formed from coal.
All the dark and fearful
places, shunned, unknown
arise in us. I’m tearful
as I recognize in you
in me, in us, love’s
intelligence, the will
to live, protecting innocence.
This lost and hungry child
in you, in me, in us,
so long exiled, we welcome
now. There is no better
you. The Tao simply includes.

Inspired by: Settle, Buoyant, Irradiate and Guidance.

 

Creativity

I’ve scoured the trash
to find the rash moments
of this past year.
The darker times with no
place among the tinsel
I start to tingle
acknowledge the simplicity
as I commingle
all my energy, electricity
runs through the instrument
I am joy no longer dissonant
I used to choose a bypass
believed my past held me
in thrall, the call
of my ancestors deep with pain
their domain. Yet here I sit
hosting what is. Now I permit
the scattered pieces magnetized
I am the lodestone, gathering
increases all that pent-up
trauma releases. I cherish
all the beliefs that now
perish in the flame of my
vitality blazing a
brilliant new reality.
Outside a hawk is kreeing.
I heed on bended knee.

Inspired by Rash, Joy, Tinsel, Cherish and the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt “ingle.”