I’m Lying To Myself

How awake can we become to the predefined spaces in which we live our physical, material, moral, emotional, energic and spiritual lives?  To what extent can we create these lives by our own imagination, rather than by using our inventive powers to fit into a tight blueprint of reality?”~Jon Rappoport

Where is the love and when do I lie
to myself? I say it matters not
that you’re ghosting me. You’re the bad guy
with allegations, a scatterplot

and no discourse! I’m dangerous
you say, breaking-the-rules insane.
You’d ban these books so traitorous.

rippling through society
endings sow anxiety

we fingerpoint and blame.

our resolutions
create solutions

if we sit down
be still and find
a peaceful sound

beyond the story
lines, the noose around
necks metaphor. Be
awed. We are earthbound.

Pride topples as the storms
dissolve our old platforms
and we create new norms.

Dance each powerful sun flare,
clearing our essential air.

Finally we imagine free.

Inspired by: Endings, Awe, Allegation, Topple, and the OctPoWriMo Day 25 Prompt, break the rules (Stretch, Disorder, Chaos, Expand, Anarchy) and create your own poetry form.

My new poetry form starts with a 9-syllable ABAB quatrain, followed by an 8-syllable CDC tercet, a seven-syllable couplet EE, a six-syllable single line D, a five-syllable couplet FF, a four-syllable tercet GHG, a five-syllable quatrain IGIG, a six-syllable tercet JJJ, a seven-syllable couplet KK, and a single line of 8 syllables with internal rhyme. (Simply, stanza-wise, it’s 4-3-2-1-2-3-4-3-2-1.) I call it Victoria. Unless someone has already done it.

Imagination Creates Reality

“Connecting with one’s own imagination…initiates a cascade of ideas and emotions, which in turn feed back into imagination, making it even more powerful.”~Jon Rappoport*

I step outside, the trees burst into song
lover’s caress, I give my breath, then peer
into the passioned poem-gems along
the emerald lawn. I am a seer

I create these achingly sweet goosebumps
synchronicities invite my huge jumps
into now.  I stride golden woods.  This sun’s 
hot kiss pierces my shadows are undone.

Inspired by the OctPoWriMo Day 11 prompt to explore flowing in the creative stream (Muse, Inspiration, In the flow, Creativity) in the new-to-me Rispetto form.

Featured image is the kaleidoscope effect (free at lunapic.com) on this maple leaf song.

Beginning quote from Jon Rappoport’s highly recommended Exit From The Matrix course.

Integrating Shadows

when I swing the ring and hook it— clink—
I move into the flow a prism
of rainbows and unicorns  you blink

as deep intentional projecting
all these swallowed screams held obdurate
in my scarred heart now intersecting

timelines.  I reach back forgiving, glad
I’m here.  I’m living! Reinterpret
every brutal step. I touch old sad

seething. I’m a channel bridging realms 
unseen, a medium you consult 
*clink* til intuition steers your helms.

I manifest this way: integrate
shadows I’ve been struggling to awake.
Outbreath centered, flung, opens the gates.

another ring hooks solid rising
power effortless.  The universe
joins in, responsive synchronizing.

Inspired by: Prism, Scream, Obdurate, the Saturday Stream of Consciousness prompt medium and the OctPoWriMo Day 10 prompt letting go with forgiveness (as Tyburn or CinqTroisDecaLa or some weird way that arises.)

And this new-to-me game at which I excel.

Healing My Broken Heart

I’m serious as shit, dumbfounded by
the faces and the stories up for air
released from darkness I summon the light
how I respond with love to my own cry

especially at night the pris’ners fly
caught in a tale of mine—how could I care
traumatized child gasping for air, I left
to visit other realms, create new skies

and I was reckless, hurting, fantasized—
so if you met me while the onus held
my life’s mission of wound and heal and weld
your face awakes dreams, interrupts my nights

I’m serious as shit, dumbfounded by
the chances opening in tender space
how I respond with love to my own cry

Inspired by: Serious, Dumbfounded, Onus and the #OctPoWriMo Day 7 prompt Growing Pains (pain, growth, learning, finding yourself) in a Triolet or Villonet.

“Serious as shit” may be the strongest language a person with digestive issues can utter. I’m focused on huge wounds in my Elucidation and the healing is fierce!

Permission To Proceed

To be aware of the silence can become pain for earthly [wo]man. But in the deepening silence there grows and ripens what [wo]man speaks to the stars.~Rudolf Steiner

In these starlit skies I watch the darkness
teeming, boiling to refine all that shapes
me as a woman.  My past a stark mess
dreaming, toiling to define what escapes

my filters.  We are trained quite brutally
not to see, to tell lies, yet still knowing
our sacred container beautifully
transmutes—frugal and precise winnowing—

turning the bruises into works of art.
My pure intentions keep me breathing here
Just like a birth, these are labor pains, heart
strong, I gasp and I surrender.  All clear.

Inspired by: Watch, Refine, Darkness, Frugal and the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt: Container.

Unspeakable

How do we reconcile perfidious
deeds that tainted our childhoods, toxic drench
alcoholic fumbles too hideous
to bear? Credibility now entrenched

in the lies repeated like lullabyes
until I’m here tongue-tied. A wise woman
holding an abused child who feels goodbyes
are her only way, slipping out, pulling

the stress of reality’s twisted mess–
testament to her brilliance. Frustration
eats away all hope. Strong now, I confess
loudly, for silence quenches creation.

Inspired by: Frustration, Reconcile and Perfidious and so many deeply traumatic events emerging to be healed.

Choose This Now

Feel the city breakin’
And everybody shakin’,
And we’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.~Barry and Maurice Gibb

I’m outside blessed by beams of sun prayers
flinging new narrative.  How can I stay
the course?  I choose this now to be daring,
indiscreet, exposing lies any way

I can, but man, indigence is so tough
dealing with displaced stuff.  Nowhere to go
and who would have me? I don’t fit enough.
Can’t watch TV, how blatant hoaxes sold.

Behind the fence strange men chainsawing trees.
Indistinct shouts. Ominous creaks.  A ray
of gold illuminates my face.  I see
visions, crystalline hunches.  Truths I say

reworded by the helpful.  My welcome
wearing thin.  This strong gust.  That falling branch.
The snapping crunch.  A wasp.  I squint and hum
into dissonance.  Precise circumstance

so fraught with layered meanings, I must rise
to worlds beyond this homelessness and see
I’m unencumbered.  New senses surprise
turmoil incessant.  Shadows coming free.

Inspired by: Turmoil, Incessant and Stay.

Grackles Yawp

In the morning August flexes muscles
heated and sure with a riffling breeze
teasing the clinging leaves.  They will hustle
in the fall, but right now they burn.  The bees

are busy, penetrating drowsy blooms.
Grackles yawp and whistle staking treetops
as cicadas join the connection.  Rooms
of realities rest lightly non-stop

infinite, open my heart’s convictions.
All the rainbows my childish eyes perceived
are back in town.  I’ve loosened restrictions
—namecalling nerd closed parts of me, conceived

protective cages I no longer need.
The timeline shifts, I shower love and signs
upon that younger self of mine, stronger
now, imagining free, sacred, aligned.

Inspired by: Rainbow, Connection, Nerd and Yawp.

Consciousness Rising

Now that more of society awake
shadowy explorations undertake

the gaping wounds and skeletons in sight
seething anger and grief patchwork the fright

No, I don’t stand aloof and classify
the consciousness rising before we die

I’ve spent last decade wrestling the dark
to claim my pieces beautiful and stark

and stand empowered as energy flows
this is the messy way every joy goes

hand in hand with each long-buried fragment
we consult our own treasure map, lament

frustrated til we let all judgments go
kaleidoscopes of being finally show

at last we find our wholeness, shame release
and love ourselves just as we are, at peace.

***

Inspired by: Classify, Aloof, Frustrate and Shadowy Explorations.

A big BOO to WordPress today. I couldn’t format these lines into quatrains or couplets–until Brian showed me how. Thank you, fellow bloggers, for helping us all in this, our hour of need.

Still unsolved: And the italics button disappeared each time I selected text for it.

All Due Respect

“Sometimes I felt like a hueman kaleidoscope, a walking collection of shattered glass with bits of crazy color churning inside me.” ~Eleyne-Mari Sharp, Mad About Hue: A Memoir in Living Color

My stout heart seems friable in this mist
as morning spits then pauses. That’s thunder
or a heavy truck. The muted sounds hiss.
My skin accepts the kiss and I wonder

how this epic life unfolds. This moment
bliss as I let go of expectations
I’d been holding, creating such torment
heedless, blind, soothed by pithy placations

yet all is well from the initial sight
all the beliefs I’ve bundled to protect
needless, I’m untouchable now love’s light’s
illuminating shadows I project.

Inspired by: Initial, Stout, Epic and Frangible.

Featured image leaves from a great sugar maple, using the kaleidoscope effect.